The House of the dead 4 random parody
by DeathRider AX
Summary: House of the Dead 4 getting mixed up in the real storyline
1. Chapter 1: Wanna Mix Up?

I do not own the house of the dead series nor do I own anything else besides this parody.

OK…On to the ummm whats the word I'm looking for?Ummm…oh yeah a parody!

Chapter 1:Ass-cape

Kate: Our fucking reinforcements haven't arrived yet!

James:Damn it bitch!Be Patient or else I'll take you out if this one grenade!

Kate:You are a ass-hole and a idiot! Couldn't you use that to take down the door!?

James:Oh yeah!(Throws Grenade at door)

Zombie 1:GIVE ME YOUR MILK!!!!

(grenade explodes)

Zombie 1:Ahhhhhh no I'm dying I can see the light and my life flashing before me ahhh I'm dying!

Kate:Ohhh just shut up(Pulls out a shotgun outta nowhere and shoot zombie 1)

James:Isn't that the shotgun from House Of The Dead 3?

(Back In House Of The Dead 3)

Thomas:Where's my shotgun?

(Back here in house of the dead 4)

Kate:These are all the weapons I could find.

James:What happened to the shotgun?

Kate:Threw it away.It had only one fucking bullet and no grenade button!

James:We don't need a grenade button…we can just throw the grenade at the enemy!

Kate:Whoops! Wonder where it ended up?

(In Goldman's office)

(Gun hit's Goldman in the grind)

Goldman:OH MY FUCKING GOD OWWW!

(Back)

Kate:Let's GO!

Kate:The elevator hall is proberly (Sings the Beyonce irreplaceable "To The Left")

(A zombie comes out)

Zombie:AHHHH singing!(Explodes)

James:Nice Job!

Kate:Let's move on

(We skip to the part where Kate says so much destruction)

(Claw Zombies climb out from the hole)

James: Wait how do you know where to find us and if this was a trap how'd you know we would come here?

Claw Zombie 1:Ummmm by luck?

James:Works for me!

Kate: (Shoot's like hell but didn't hit the zombies)

James: I though I was bad…

(James Shoot one bullet and hits both zombies)

(Suddenly Justice Appears outta nowhere)

James:Wait a minute…Shouldn't you appear later.

Justice:Rawrrr Rawrrrr(Change of plans by sega)

Kate:Oh…damn sega

(The Justice fights begains)

(Justice grabs James And Kate but Kate sneezes and justice drops them)

Justice:EWWWWW!!!

James:WTF!?Since when can you talk!?

Justice:I can't talk

Kate:Yes…you can

Justice:Ummm ahhh ummm Rawrrr?

Kate:Oh… he can't talk.

(James give Kate a sarcastic look)

James:Are you like a fucking retard or something?

Kate:What's a retard?

James:Nevermind

(While they were arguing justice grabs them)

(Kate shoots at justice tongue while they were grabbed)

Justice:ARGHH ARGHHH (You were suppose to shake the gun retard!)

Kate: I AM NOT A RETARD!!!

James:Correct…She's a fucking retard!

Kate:Then you are a aus-ser

Justice:DAMN IT CONTINUE FIGHTING

James & Kate:FINE

(Justice reaches them but when he tried to hurt them by falling he falls on the walland the rocks crush him which kills him instantly)

Kate:That was easy…too easy.

James:No more rental movies for you

Kate:U r paying for my dry cleaning after this

James: Who said that bitch!

Kate: Sega

(End of chapter 1)


	2. Chapter 2: 1 by 1 they come

Chapter 2

Bust

(Several days earlier)

Kate:Is this your first time here?

James: What the fuck do you care bitch?

Kate: I don't.Sega made me say that

James: (Under his breath) Cheebye

Kate: You said something

James: No I didn't

Kate: Whatever

James: ANYWAY,I need to look into something

Kate: How to rape?

James: No retard

Kate: For the 100th time. I AM NOT A RETARD

James: A bitching retard?

Kate: Shut up

James: Plus I didn't think that things ended the way we thought 3 years ago

Kate: I thought you sexing with Paris Hilton ended the way I thought

James: NOT THAT!

Kate: Oh you sexing with Christina Aguilera?

James: IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEXING!

Kate: Ohhhh the Goldman commiting suicide thing?

James: YES!!!

Kate: Ohhhhh

James: Let's just go down to the sewers ok?

Kate: Sure

(We skip to the part about the sewers)

(The PDA beeps)

James:Awwww give me a break

Kate: THAT WAS MY LINE!

James: Ummmm….oops?

(Moss zombies appear)

(Kate try's to shoot the zombie but fails and hit the ceiling causing rocks to fall in the water and crushing all the zombies)

James: Nice shot retard

Kate: I AM NOT A…never mind

(James and Kate saw the ladder where Kate shot in the ceiling)

James: Nice glitch

Kate: Yeah

(When they reached the top they were right in front the service elevator )

James: Wow the end of the stage!

(James on the elevator)

James: Well at least there is electricity

Kate: DUH!

(The lovers appear)

(Kate smacks James on the arm)

Kate: YOU JINXED US!

James: No more horror games for you!

Lovers: HURRY!

James & Kate: FINE

(The fight starts)

Lovers: I will slash you!

(James & Kate hang out of the elevator)

James: Isn't this dangerous?

Kate: FUCK CARE! SEGA WAS NEVER SMART ANYWAY!

James: Hmmmm good point!

Lovers: HELLO!?

Kate: Oh yeah sorry

(They shoot the lovers and succeeded)

(The lovers start sexing and release babies)

Kate: MAN THEY REPRODUCE FAST!

(After killing the spiders they were trapped in a web)

James: URINE ATTACK

(The urine melts the web)

James: SMACK ATTACK!

(He smacks the lovers which kill them immediately)

Kate: Don't forget to write

James: Write what?

Kate: Never mind

End Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3: The Empress

Chapter 3

Ass-timness

Kate:Ok…is it me or is it just a coincidence or is it just me?

James: WTF r u talking about?

Kate: At the end of every level there is always a GIANT ASSHOLE WAITING FOR US!

James: …your right!

Kate: As well let's just continue!

(They walk along and soon encounter a wave of moss zombies)

(1 of the zombies cut the hair of Kate)

Kate: MY HAIR! Son of a bitch!

(She fires at all their head till she ranks up Good,Excellent,Amazing,Perfect X99999????)

(The score shows ????)

James: (Thinking) Gotta let zombies cut her hair more often!

Kate: Eat this!

(She throws a grenade which ricochets off the train,into the zombies mouth.)

(Grenade explodes)

Zombie: HAHA I CAN'T DIE!

(James sneezes and the zombies dies)

(They walk up the stairs and sees two muscle zombies holding barrels)

James: HIYAAAHHH

(James smashes the barrels and acts like Jackie Chan)

James: Kate? KATE!!!!

(Before The Empress)

Kate: HURRY UP ALRDY!

(James caught up because Kate cleared all the zombies on the way)

(The Emperor appears)

Kate: Wait…how come the emperor from HOTD 1 is here?

James: Yeah Shouldn't it be the empress?

Emperor: Ohhhh ok wait… HONEY!

Empress: Oh my turn to slay humans? Ok

(The empress comes with the double sided chainsaw)

(James PDA shows Asshole at the bottom of the screen and shows her weakspot)

Empress: Hold up…how come after zombie scratching you,getting dropped kick by Justice and sliced up by The Lovers.That damn PDA is still unscathed?

James: Hey blame Sega

(While James was breaking the fourth wall.The empress come to slice them)

Empress: DAMN miss.

James:HAHAHAHAHA you can't catch me

Kate: Less taunting more running,shooting and screaming for our lives!

James: Gotcha

(They ran into the 3rd cabin while kicking zombies in the dick)

Empress: I SHALL CUT THIS CABIN APART I SHALL…

(James and Kate ran into the last cabin)

Empress: Ah fuck it

(Empress came and started swinging both of her chainsaws like mad)

James: HIYAHHHH

(James does the Jackie Chan impression but was quickly murdered and sent flying back)

Kate: YOU CHAO CHEEBY!

(Kate throws 10 grenades which kills the empress)

Kate: Looks like you miss the stop!

James: (waking up) WTF happened?

Kate: Ummmm nothing…I killed the empress (turns to James) SINGLE HANDEDLY!

James: Ahh whatever!


	4. Chapter 4: Drastic Changes

Chapter 4

Ass-pair

James: I had almost enough of this fucking game!

Kate: We don't have a fucking choice asshole!

James: Why not? We're the main characters I mean at least give us a chance to choose!

beep beep

Kate: Your damn PDA is ringing again!

James answers the PDA

James: Hello?

Goldman (over the phone) :Yeah I liked to order 3 pepperoni pizzas 2 cheeze and 1 bacon …HAHAHA I PRANKED CALL YOU!

James: THAT #!#& CHAO #$&$! GOLDMAN!

(Hangs Up the PDA)

(They walked over where they see 20 zombies roasting marshmallows on the fire)

Kate: WTF!? Oohhh Smores!

Zombie:Want a smore?

James: That's it

(He runs over to the escalator to see a 100 zombies up there)

(Kate rushes over)

Kate: DUDE YOU MISSED THE STRIP CLUB!

James: WTF DOES ZOMBIES HAVE TO STRIP WHEN THEY HAVE NO CLOTHES!?!?!?

Kate: yeah but I have clothes…

James: Hold Hold Hold no more!

( They walk where they see two zombies inside a toilet)

James: Ummm what were you two doing in there?

Zombie 1: Isn't it obvious what we were doin (Raises Eyebrowns)

Kate: Please don't make me throw up

(They kill the zombies and go to town)

(Temperance appears but not before stepping on all of his kin)

Temperance: OMFG!!! I CAN'T EVEN WALK WITHOUT KILLING MY OWN KIN!

James: Ready to run? 3,2,1 RUN!

Kate: WAIT WAIT WAIT! HOW COME AT THE END OF EVERY LEVEL A FUCKING GIANT MONSTRONSITY COMES AT US AND AIMS AT US?

James: Blame Sega now run cheebye!

(They open the door to the castle when they were ready to kill some zombies but no zombies appeared)

Zombie 1:Coffee?

Zombie: 2 sugars please

Kate: That's it,sega's lost it

(They climb up where they see temperance going up and down up and down)

(Kate looks over and sees temperance doing squats)

Kate: Now that his distracted…RUN!

(They run up and come up to the forklift)

(temperance holds the thing)

Kate: I..don't even want to know what's he doing!

Temperance: They pay me to do this so STFU!

(They dropped the clockface on temperance but he still lived)

Kate: That's it…

(She pokes temperance and he dies)

Kate & James: NEXT!


	5. Chapter 4 and a half: Family Fued

Chapter 4 ½

The Random HOTD Parody Show

HOTD VS Megaman Battle Network

(The announcer comes out on stage)

Announcer: Hi I'm Megaman From The Battle Network Series

Announcer 2: And I'm 'G' from HOTD

Together: AND WE ARE YOUR ANNOUNCERS

Mega: And in one corner we have…THE BATTLE NETWORK SERIES!

(Glide points his middle finger to the camera)

(Roll shows her bobs)

(gutsman says guts a million times)

(Data looks confused)

Data: But…I'm NOT IN THE BN SERIES!

Mega: Too bull shit for you then

G: And In the other corner we have…THE HOTD SERIES

(James shows his toy gun)

(Kate shows her handbag which can hold infinity bullets)

(Goldman looks mad)

Goldman: But they have…ummm 1,2,3…4 PEOPLE AND WE ONLY HAVE 3 AND 1 OF THEM IS A FUCKING RETARD!!!

Kate: Who you calling retard?

Goldman: See that's what I Mean!

Mega: OK BN SERIES

(Switches to "Survivor" Host's voice)

Mega: Your gonna have to vote out 1 of your members

(After 0 seconds of thinking they all shout…)

Together: DATA!

Data: What the…

( A trapdoor opens)

Data: FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

Mega: Ok now let's start!

G: We surveyed 100 people yadiyada Top 5 answers Yadi Yada OK LET'S START FAMILY FUED!

Mega: First category is…who is the most bitchiest character in All the games?

--------------- ----

--------------- ----

--------------- ----

--------------- ----

--------------- ----

Mega: BN SERIES U UP FIRST!

Guts: GUTS!!!

(Sweatdrops on EVERYONE's head))

--------------- ----

--------------- ----

--------------- ----

Guts!? What the fuck?

--------------- ----

G: Ok… HOTD SERIES YOUR TURN!

James & G: Kate

Kate Infinty becuz she IS the most bitchy character

--------- ----

--------- ----

Guts Again…WTF?

--------- ----

Mega: Ok… BN SERIES UR TURN!

Roll: Ummm me?

Kate Infinity

Roll 10000

------- ------

Guts Ran outta ideas

------- ------

G: This is getting too weird let's just show the answers!

Kate Don't

Roll Show

Mayl The

Guts Damn

???? ANSWERS!

Mega: This board is getting too smart for it's own good!

Kate ???

Roll ???

Mayl ???

Guts ???

DAMN IT HE KNOWS TO MUCH CHEESE IT!

G: OK BB I DON'T HAVE MONEY!


	6. Chapter 5: Death Sharp and end

Chapter 5

Cheebye-reuion

Kate: Ok I never EVER EVER want to go on a family fued parody EVER!

James: Hey there's a first time for everything

(They run and sees a car)

Kate: Wait…how come all the cars in the whole GAME is totally blown up…but this piece of crap is still unscathed?

James: Why are there so many diffenet types of zombies? Why can Goldman see into the future? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS!?

Kate: Hmmm good point!

(James PDA rings)

James: Hello

Goldman: I have come to tell you that we are going to launch a nuclear missile.

James: HOW DOES HE SEE INTO THE FUTURE!

Goldman: Who said I can see into the future, I can't possibly know that you just said "HOW DOES HE SEE INTO THE FUTURE" I…(Thinks what he just said) Ah fuck!

(hangs up)

James: That piece of cheebye bitch full of got fucking shit bitch!

Kate: Just get into the fucking car!

(They drive off just when they see a bunch of policeman hopping around very fast)

Kate: Wait a minute? How can they move so fast

(They see a zombie holding the remote from "Click" the movie)

Kate: Ohhh

(She takes the remote and pauses the whole game)

Kate: Fuck nuts!

(They start killing zombies by kicking them in the dick)

(Kate presses the "play" button)

Zombies: OWWWW MY NUTS!

(All the zombies die)

Kate: PAUSE!

(She pauses the game)

(They drive and come to the bridge)

(A zombie driving car appears)

ZDC: OINK OINK!

Kate: Ok let me get this straight, they can drive they can run and they can move fast but they can't even kill us!?

James: Hey, if Sega wants us to win then we should be proud of it!

Kate: YEAH!

(The zombies drive straight into the hole)

James: MAN KATE! They are as retard as you!

Kate: STFU!

(They drive into the front of the building where Robot Zombies( RZ) appears)

RZ 1: (In robotic tone) We have the triple titanium platinum 3000 version 2.0 you can't kill us!

RZ 2: YEAH!

Kate: Oh really? Your weak spot wouldn't happen to be that small hole that leads right to your heart now would it?

(They look down and sees their weak spot)

RZ 2: I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE FULL BODY ARMOR!

(They poke it and the robot zombies disintegrate into dust)

(The Star appears)

The Star: This is a dying wish from that bastard goldman! He wants me to test your strength in…SEXING!

James: Try Again!

Star: In…ummm... fighting?

James: Bah close enough

(Star floats around)

James: That's it enough of this!

Star: I have the ultimate cloak! This cloak is so sticky it's stickier than Superglue!

James: Oh really?

(James tosses a grenade which sticks to the stars cloak)

Star: Wait! You are suppose to fight with a dramatic fight scene

(Star explodes)

James: Ok that was easy…too easy!

Kate: Ok fuck nut you asked for it!

(Kate bashes James to a pulp)

James: But I defeated the star!

Kate: DAMN IDEOT!

(She points to the score)

(It shoes Kate got a rank S while james got a rank below F, Rank G)

(You lose all your fucking retarded lives!)

James: Ah fuck!

(James dies but is quickly revived)

Next time… It is the final chapter…or is it?


End file.
